Rediscover You

In life, we all have roles to play. Child, adult, spouse, parent, sibling, friend, relative, confidant, student, teacher, co-worker…Sometimes we play our roles well; sometimes, not so well. Often, we are acting just as we believe we need to. We handle ourselves one way in the work place, and quite differently when home. As adults, how we react with our children is different than how we would with our friends, or when only a significant other is present. Is it always perfect? Heck no! We are human, after all. Situations can be messy. We humans are messy. Should we strive for perfection? Again, no. Perfection is an unattainable, unrealistic goal. There are no perfect situations and there are certainly no perfect people, relationships or lives. Many of us are just trying to be the best version of whatever role we are playing at any given moment.

But there is a bigger question to ponder for a moment. Do we ever take time away from all the roles to “just be” ? Many times we get so wrapped up in other’s expectations that we forget ourselves. We get lost in situations and circumstances; we become more about external elements – what others want of and from us, than who we actually are. It can be so easy to exchange one role for another, without ever truly knowing ourselves.

Believe it or not, the same is true for the people we live with. They are existing in different roles too. Maybe, when no one is looking, and nothing is expected, they would also enjoy the opportunity to “just be”. Does anyone know how to do that? Babies and the very, very young seem to know instinctively. But it doesn’t last long. Before they realize that their coos gain our kudos, and they see our happy reactions to their existence, there is a tiny window where the very young just “are”. They don’t expect anything from anyone because they haven’t yet figured out that their actions will gain them our reactions.

How do we get back to that place of knowing who we are, when nothing is expected of us and no one is relying on us? Perhaps its during situations like our current times, where we are able to gain a few minutes all to ourselves, that we can figure that out.

Carve out some time just for you. Maybe its late at night or in the very early morning, when everyone else is asleep. Maybe its during down time, when everyone around you is preoccupied with whatever they are doing. Maybe its during a shower or a bath. Drop your shoulders (did you even realize they were just up by your ears?), take a few deep breaths, (just a couple, then resume breathing normally – I don’t need you passing out on me!) In through the nose and out through the mouth. Quietly think about what you would really love to do if no roles were required, money was not an object, there were no rules, nothing was expected and you didn’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. You may, or may not, come up with something. Guess what? That’s okay! Realize that you don’t need to have all the answers. You also don’t need to disclose your thoughts to anyone. In fact, you shouldn’t. What will you do with this information? Know that you can keep it to yourself, for yourself, without any expectations attached. Maybe its then that you will (re)discover you.